apparently the secret to your success is patron
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a booty call, not a friend.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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