its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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