carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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