Whod you bang
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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