im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
well I can't set my house on fire every night
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Randomize
