By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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