Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Randomize
