There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
We have started to decorate penises.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
