You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
