I think scott just propositioned me for sex
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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