i would punch a child for taco bell
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
