3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
