Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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