We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
