he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Your cock deserves a montage
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
