yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
