"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
