i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
