do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
