sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
