man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
