pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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