BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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