you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
