Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
