Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
it's great music for shaving your balls
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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