That's when you crack a 10am beer
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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