does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
So here I am, sexting at work.
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