New invention idea: vibrating tampons
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize
