I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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