Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
