I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
