Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
