i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
