btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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