We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
