So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
should my penis look like a turkey
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
