If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
