The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
