Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
