He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
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I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
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I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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