Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
