Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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