Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
