Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
