I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
