Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
