remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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