When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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