In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
