Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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