i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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