I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
