Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
