I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
