And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
