He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
