no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
