There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I wish you could order shots online.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
