I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
