Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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