there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
