Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You are the jesus of drinking
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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