sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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