Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
