I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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