some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
