I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
