I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
