And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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