i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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