I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize