I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
