I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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