walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
