I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
