Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
