Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
