I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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