Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
